Of all the relationships a man enjoys in a lifetime, the most lasting one is with his own penis. That’s right, nothing follows you to your grave quite as closely as your penis – it’s been with you through your entire life cycle. You’d think such companionship would spur men to develop a healthier relationship with their penis, but more often than not, the trusted penis is subject to a lot of scrutiny and criticism.

Agentsofishq decided to do a nationwide survey which explores the relationship Indian men have with their penis. It’s called The Great Indian Penis Survey and it has some startling and hilarious results.

The survey deals with 14 key questions which aim to understand men’s preoccupation with size, girth and the functionality of a penis and whether they take pride in it, are satisfied with it or intend to change anything about it. A strong 96% percent of the individuals participating in the survey were men, with a few transgenders and women in the mix. Out of this mix 82% were heterosexual while the rest were bisexual, gay or asexual.

  1 How comfortable are you with your penis?

It all starts with how comfortable one is with their penis with the results ranging from ‘proud’ ‘comfortable’ ‘anxious’ to ‘awkward’. Predictably enough, most (65%) men were comfortable, while only 16% were ‘proud’.

 2 How often do you look at your penis?

When asked how often men actually looked at their penis an alarming 16.5% revealed that they didn’t in fact look at it all the often (once a month) while a small percentage, 5 of whom were women, revealed that they didn’t look at their penis at all.

  3 What influences your idea of an ideal penis the most?

The participants were also asked what were the chief influences in forming their idea of an ideal penis – after all having a huge dong in the Greek sculptures showed a preference towards smaller penises. The key factor in determining their ideal penis image was -surprise, surprise- pornography. Then a mix of cultural attitudes, lifestyle magazines and traditional images also proving to be huge influencers.

   Images : Agents of Ishq

4 How do you feel when someone sees your penis in a sexual situation? 

Most men appear to be excited during the big reveal. Others range from positively nervous to mortified, while some try not to think about how excited it makes their sexual partners.

 5 What does your partner feel about your penis?

Most men (49%) agree that their partners are mildly positive about their penis. Naturally a smaller percentage is absolutely content – but at 33% percent we think it’s still a pretty good number considering where Indian men rank on the global size scheme.

       Illustrations: Agents of Ishq

6 Have you ever been shamed or bullied for your penis?

Luckily a strong 88% said no to this. Thank you ladies!

 7 What would you like to change about your penis?

This is where things get a little suspicious. 46% of the participants (liars) said they were fine with it they way it was. A more critical 36.5 % wished providence would’ve worked on the length department while 22% wanted to change its girth.

   8 What do you call your penis?

This one’s just plain weird. And hilarious. The proud ones tend to attach powerful military ranks as prefixes while the other ones give it diminutive nick names as one would a tiny pet.

 9 Have you ever sent a dick pic?

Fortunately, a majority of them (55%) haven’t. However an alarming 18.5 % have sent unsolicited dick pics to some poor souls out there.

10 Do you compare your penis to those of other?

Most of them have done it, but an equally large sample population of 44% haven’t. The question is, do we as a society then, obsess over the penis a bit too much?