As someone who tends to feel anxious, it’s a bit unusual to long for that ‘pit in the stomach‘ feeling of going on a first date. Today’s dating game isn’t about hearts and roses; rather, it’s dominated by the surge of apps flooded with 1s and 0s. Reports indicate, that in 2023, around 82.4 million Indians were using one of the apps, marking a staggering 293 per cent increase from five years prior.

Only last week, Bumble unveiled its 2024 annual dating trends, based on a survey conducted between September 21st and 26th, 2023, encompassing 26,849 Bumble members globally, including those from India. As per the app’s findings, 25 per cent of singles (both men and women) consider political and social engagement attractive in potential partners. This lack of surprise is understandable, given that today’s geopolitical landscape has never been more divided, akin to the conflict between the Empire and the Rebels in a galaxy far, far away.

But forget the numbers, what’s the ground reality? Do single Indian men really care about the political inclination of their potential partners? “Immensely. Politics is personal, after all,” says Sundar B. Hole, a media-based professional in Mumbai. A few others echo his thoughts, with Ravi, a Bengaluru-based journalist, adding, “It’s the primary filter for me. It helps to know the person I’m talking to has their heart in the right place and doesn’t support bigotry of any kind,” while Siddharth, a Delhi-based video producer, explains that the feeling is conditional: “If the date is more than just a one-night stand, it is very important.” 

For the majority, though, the rhetoric doesn’t hold the same value. “Political inclination is not important, but it’s important that a person knows about what’s happening,” says Rohit, a social media manager based in Mumbai.

The same survey also mentions that 35 per cent of single Indians prefer emotional intimacy over physical. But even in that minority, things aren’t as black and white. “Both are dependent on each other. Physical intimacy becomes better with an emotional connection and vice versa,” shares Rohit. His perspective echoes among the folks we spoke to, including an anonymous IT professional from Pune, who adds another layer to the thought, “Both; though it’s important to fulfil these needs through more than just a partner.”

Unlike the apps, men aren’t binary creatures, a fact that is becoming more prevalent with the evolving definition of modern masculinity. In fact, the survey proves it, stating that around 25 per cent of men have become open and vulnerable in their dating behaviour. “I’ve become more open than before and less intimidated than before,” states Siddharth, while for some, like Ravi, it is conditional: “It depends on the person I’m talking to.”

Adding, “Sometimes you prefer to keep it casual and indulge in small talk about preferences and all because you don’t want to open up and be vulnerable to the person you’ve just started talking to.” Of course, the majority feels otherwise, including Rohit, who feels more guarded on apps than before, stating, “I am more open when I meet people through friends.”

Finally, the term “slow dating” appears to be becoming a thing (33 per cent), as per the survey, a phenomenon described by the same app as “having deeper or longer conversations to get to know a potential partner, and it not being offended if a match doesn’t want to meet up right away.” But as is the case with any ground reality, things aren’t as black and white. “Slow dating usually means that I enjoy talking to a person… and only talking to them, nothing more,” states Sundar.

For Ravi, though, a Gen Z, it has been a norm. “I prefer not to rush things but let them go at their own pace. I also don’t have the social battery to meet multiple people in a month. It’s always about taking time to know the person before going on the date.”

So, what’s the bottom line? Yes, men’s behaviour on the apps appears to be evolving. But more than that, today’s man (albeit a growing minority) isn’t afraid to hide his sensitivity, focusing more on himself, their person and the quite intimate moments that are shared between them, rather than focusing on boosting their body count, as Internet culture will lead you to believe. And I think that’s something worth celebrating.

Feature Image – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)