It happened for a reason, we get it.
The road to modern love and relationships is never linear. And, since closures are often tougher to attain than imagined, one is left with little choice but to say hello to ghosting— a phenomenon that’s becoming widely commonplace among young millennials who are entangled in cases of love gone horribly wrong.
“She came on too strong and was constantly telling me how she visualised me in a clean-shaven look on our first date as we began to chat on WhatsApp. A couple of chats later, she openly expressed her desire to have something serious even before we met,” reveals *Nihar Roy, a Pune-based communications professional. “These demands were an instant turn-off and I decided to block her to avoid the chaos and drama that would’ve occurred had I confronted her, ”he adds. In a similar vein,* Rahul Gupta, a queer creative professional, reveals how ghosting is often the only recourse when things begin to get uncomfortable, especially when a connection hasn’t been built. “Dating can get dirty when you’re meeting many people, and things are usually shrouded in secrecy. I had no choice but to cancel a guy because he kept asking me how big I was even before we met.”
Why Do Men Ghost?
If you’re spending a lot more time wondering why they haven’t called back, and if you are ‘really the problem’; stick around for a little longer as we dig deeper. Because let’s face it—nobody likes being ghosted.
While Gupta doesn’t suggest ghosting as a solution,, he reiterates how ghosting is often perceived as one of the biggest signs to display clear disinterest without engaging in full-blown fights.
Grey or downright wrong?
Urban Dictionary defines ghosting as a situation where: “a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they’re dating, with zero warning or notice beforehand. You’ll mostly see them avoiding friends’ phone calls, social media, and avoiding them in public.”
Gupta echoes this thought: “Ghosting, according to me, is a practice that saves one from a lot of mental chaos if you sense the person on the other end isn’t going to be receptive to your concerns,” he says, adding, “It’s a convenient way to end things when the other person thinks the problem is clearly you and is clearly not invested enough to meet mid-way, as a connection hasn’t been built.”
But what is it like being on the other side of the fence?
Natasha, a young Instagram model in Delhi remembers a time, not too long ago, when she was literally stranded mid-way by a guy she thought she was ‘serious’ with. “15 dates later, with the last one ending on a really strange note where he blocked me within minutes after I boarded a cab back home, I had to sit down with myself and come to terms with the fact that he was just a smooth operator. The realisation came after multiple visits to therapists, though, because I really began to believe I was the problem.”
Offering a different perspective; Rajiv Talreja, a counselor and business coach, believes it’s ideal to leave some room for thought.
“Being ghosted shouldn’t make one feel victimised, everyone’s entitled to make choices, and if ghosting has been an approach taken by someone, while it’s not right, it’s only fair to leave space for thoughts.
‘Nobody’s a green flag unless they prove it’
Bhavna Singh, therapist and founder of Tatsam Wellness believes two things usually lead to being ghosted—not analyzing a situation based on facts and failing to gauge one’s boundaries. “ Individuals who are blinded by reality are usually the ones who end up being ghosted because they’ve been living in a delusion or often tend to overlook the signs that led to it. Accept reality for what it is, and don’t wait for things to get beyond bearable to arrive at a decision.”
Be prepared to be uncomfortable
While it’s a common perception that women ghost men more than the other way around, the former are equally susceptible to receiving the shorter end of the stick. “While I’m against the idea of promoting ghosting even if things go awry, I feel it’s an eye-opener that puts things into perspective. Once you’re done sulking, the entire scenario pushes you to reprioritise things, which in turn makes you a better person, if taken in the right stride, which in my opinion, you must, because there are no guarantees in matters of dating. If it clicks, it clicks.”, opines *Neha Sharma, a 32-year-old copyeditor. “I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum. It isn’t really a catastrophe if you look at the larger picture. Because, let’s not lie. Everyone’s done it and it’s often the only way out.”
Lastly, don’t wear it on your sleeve. It’s not about you; it’s about them. Ghosting says more about someone’s way of handling situations than anything you might’ve done.
