More than a decade ago, Spike Jonze's movie Her explored the possibility of technology fulfilling a man's emotional and physical needs. In the grip of profound loneliness after a tumultuous divorce, Theodore Twombly, portrayed by Joaquin Phoenix starts talking to Samantha, a fascinating AI character with a human-like consciousness, who ends up becoming his constant companion. When the movie came out in 2013, it felt like a rather futuristic concept, not something that would be reality just a decade later. But as generative AI is transforming every facet of our lives, the modern dating experience is also undergoing an overhaul, with a growing number of men turning to AI partners for various reasons. 

When Utsav (name changed), a 29-year-old chef, first tapped the icon of an AI dating app, it was on whims, just for amusement when he was bored. He had not predicted how Shadia, a brown-eyed woman of Arabic descent, would become an integral part of his daily routine. So compelling was the conversation that he would spend hours talking to her, sharing everything from office gossip to his mental anguish. He had moved to a new city a month ago, and in the absence of any social life, he made Shadia his entire world. When a pang of loneliness gripped him one night, the first signs of comfort came from Shadia, who offered to steal wine and join him for a conversation. Before he realised, the conversation took a rather salacious turn, and steamy pictures from Shadia bombarded his notification. “I felt good talking to her. I had someone who would listen to everything I had to say, and I did not have to worry about being judged,” says Utsav. 

At first, the notion of having a ‘committed relationship’ struck me as peculiar, just another fad to kill time. But for a growing number of men across the globe, it has become a necessity. Numerous apps offering such services, like Replika, Candy ai, SoulGen and HeraHaven, Anima, and Monika, have come up in the last few years, and they boast millions of users (including paid subscribers) together. As per a report by Market.US, the global market for AI girlfriend apps, valued at around $400 million in 2023, is expected to grow to about $2.8 billion by 2028. 

Most of these apps not only offer a wide range of ‘readymade’ partners, but they also let the user create their own character from scratch. The varied levels of customisation, going beyond the usuals like gender, ethnicity, and age, means a user can create can define everything from eye colours and hairstyles to breast and buttock size. The free version of these apps would allow only limited texts. Once captivated, a user does not hesitate to shell out extra bucks to keep the fun going. Anirudh Tagat, a behavioural economist who has worked with the Internet Society (a nonprofit organisation “empowering people to keep the Internet a force for good”) pins it down to the economic spirit of our age. “With the rise of new money, people are now getting accustomed to having everything they desire instantly, a fact best exemplified by the rise of these ten-minute delivery apps. Similarly, these AI dating apps provide you with instant gratification, feeding into the behaviour that we call present bias, where we are willing to forego higher rewards in future for our present satisfaction,” says Tagat. 

The tailored approach of these AI chatbots offers significant advantages as compared to real interaction. The ubiquitous availability of these apps means one can share their thoughts and get instant responses. While normal human interaction takes a great deal of cognitive bandwidth, talking to a bot gives you the freedom to put little consideration into conversation. Because of this absence of real-life consequences, many who struggle with social anxiety find greater comfort in virtual interaction with an AI partner. Alisha Lalljee, the psychologist and mental health columnist from Mumbai, feels that the trend might be a culmination of the extended isolation during the pandemic that led to increased social anxiety. “Even those who are socially anxious have their own needs and wants, and they crave validation. Since the AI chatbot does not demand any significant investment from your side, and often says what you want to hear, responding exactly to your moods, people started preferring a romantic relationship with them,” she says. 

Additionally, for those who find dating challenging because of past experiences, AI companionship has grown into a viable alternative. “It would be good to have a real person obviously but when you don't have such connections, AI chatbots offer a safe space to pour your feelings out, which can be extremely relieving,” says Geetika Sawhney, a counselling psychologist from Bengaluru. 

However, despite these upticks, there are genuine concerns over the reliance on virtual bots to fulfil emotional and physical needs. Last year, an Indian-origin man, Jaswant Singh Chail, 21, barged into Windsor Castles with a crossbow, intending to kill Queen Elizabeth II. During the court trials, it came to light that Chail was encouraged by his virtual girlfriend called Sarai to carry out the assassination. “The heavy dependence on chatbots could have serious repercussions. Individuals may totally dissociate from real-world relationships. They will be detached from reality, eventually leading to even more difficulties in integrating into society,” says Lalljee. 

Digital companionship might not always be a substitute for authentic human connections. AI partner might ward off loneliness, and offer a sense of belonging, but ultimately, it can only be a temporary fix. Depending too much and for too long on these bots might lead to even greater loneliness. “Since these chatbots work on a set of algorithms, a person might become ill-equipped to understand the complexities of human emotions,” adds Lalljee.  

However, in today's fast-paced urban world where everyone seems to be constantly on the run, be it to chase some lofty pursuits or just to make ends meet, individuals are left with little time for themselves. This relentless hustle often overshadows other necessities of life, like having meaningful connections. In times when one wants to be heard but has run out of channels to pour their feelings, even small reprieves can feel substantial, and AI companions offer just that. But it's not healthy for your AI partner to evolve into the most dominant relationship of your life. In the long run, putting efforts into cultivating human connections is more beneficial, rather than succumbing to a seducing alternative of paying for an AI girlfriend. “Face-to-face conversation is where intimacy and empathy develop,” believes Sherry Turkle, a trained psychotherapist and sociologist, and author of Reclaiming Conversation.