First of all, the don’ts of bar pickups:

 

Don’t use pick-up lines. They immediately label you as unimaginative and desperate.

 

Don’t send a drink to her table. Or food. Or roses. Or anything, in fact. In this day and age, a man should be able to engage a woman’s interest without a pre-emptive bribe.

 

Don’t get drunk if you intend to pick up. Nobody likes a drunk. They’re loud, they’re rude, and they don’t perceive reality.

 

Now that that’s clear, let’s move on to the dos.

 

Aesthetic: A bar pick up can’t be a laundry list of dos and don’ts. You can’t be goal oriented in seduction. The woman, her reactions, the components of seduction (conversation, eye contact, quality of touch), the minute-by-minute evolution of feeling and, above all, the aesthetic of the seduction, are all the goal.

 

Drink: Pace your drink. Tossing down three large whatevers neat in the first half hour isn’t proof of manly tolerance. It just shows you don’t have faith in your natural personality. How do you pace yourself? Learn to enjoy your drink, or, find a drink you can sustain through the evening.

 

Act

 

Be natural. Nothing is sexier than knowing a woman wants you for you, not for your meticulously constructed rendition of Hrithik Roshan meets Tony Fernandes.

 

Be relaxed. We understand, it’s been three months since the last time you got laid. But, if you’re cranked up on sexual desperation, any woman worth her salt will run from you. A relaxed man implies a man who is master of the stresses of life — a man in control.

 

Be respectful. Many people mistake disrespect for intimacy, trampling into a person’s personal and emotional space thinking they’re being close and fun. A woman who feels respected is a woman who feels safe in your hands, and a woman who feels safe in your hands is yours entirely.

 

Talk

 

Talk sense. Puns and jokes are not synonymous with a sense of humour. Your true sense of humour comes through when you talk about your sense of the world and life.

 

Talk passion. Why do we think that flamenco and salsa dancers are passionate lovers? Because they dance passionately. Passion for something implies romantic and sexual passion. Talk about your passions passionately. Ask about her passions and be interested.

 

Talk the same. Opposites may attract, but similarities build bridges. Find common points and cement the new relationship around them.

 

Propose

 

There comes a point in the interaction when you both know you’re excited about having met each other. You feel a certain giddiness and fuzzy warmth. That’s when you can suggest taking the evening elsewhere. Wherever it is should be a step up in comfort and intimacy. Remember: seduction is aesthetic. And, that’s a bar pick up concluded.