Taimur Ali Khan, heir to the Iron Throne, the Indian Test captaincy, and the founder of International Yoga Day has changed his shirt, reports indicate. Following speculation by the global media, it has been confirmed that the peace brokered between North and South Korea last week was a direct result of a greater story that has emerged. “I was worried whether or not his new shirt would prove soft enough for his skin” said a troubled Kim Jong-Un. “I have postponed my plans for nuclear holocaust to see if everything goes well with this huge development in Taimur’s life.”

Sources close to Taimur state that his new shirt is ‘sailor themed.’ Shipping stocks have jumped 60% globally at the news, and the Indian Navy has commissioned the INS Taimur, which will be the largest ship in the Force.

It is also understood to have “Biggest Boy In The World” written on the front. So as to not make Taimur feel sad, international beauty standards have immediately changed. Thin people are to be shunned worldwide, and governments across the globe are scrapping their health manuals, replacing them with outlines on how to get cheeks like Taimur. 

His old shirt has been donated and will be sold at auction at the United Nations next month. India itself has made the first bid for the shirt, which has been referred to by many as the ‘next Shroud of Turin.’ India set forth a bid including but not limited to three hundred crore rupees, Sonia Gandhi’s Italian passport, and the nation of Sri Lanka. The money raised will go toward providing energy to power media offices next time Taimur does something.